Tag Archives: drama queens

When People with OCD Won’t Let Grudges Go . . . (OCD #6)

7 Jan

People with OCD can be drama queens . . . but so can the rest of us.

People with OCD can have trouble letting grudges go . . . but so can the rest of us.

This is where OCD starts to cross into “normal” behavior and make us a smidge uncomfortable.  

Do lots of us have a smattering of OCD?  I think so.

From watching my son with new eyes this Christmas vacation as he is home after four and a half months at college, I am pretty sure that he finds it difficult to exist with a low adrenaline level.  So he “thrill seeks” as they say.

This would make him a “drama queen” in the parlance.

I am actually pretty fortunate that he does that, not by way of alcohol, drugs, or sex addiction, but by way of living in his own head.  Only that is painful in another way . . .

Far as I can tell, he comes up with his grudges against people out of thin air.  He will describe something that someone at the college or associated with the college has done that he feels is an affront to his dignity and . . . I just won’t see it.  

Or it will seem as though it comes from a parallel universe he has set up, with different rules for behavior.  People will have no idea that they have offended him because they won’t know the rules in his parallel universe.  It is as though he wrote a script for a play and treats other people as actors in his play who got their lines wrong . . .

He has a thing for honorifics.  Whom he should call “Mr.” “Ms.” or “Miss,” as opposed to those whom he addresses by first name.  And this part of his parallel universe has driven several powerful grudges he has developed at the college.  

If I thought that addressing the honorifics issue and defining it specifically for everyone in his world would actually help him cease being a drama queen, I would speak with his school’s administration about it.  But I am fairly certain that, even if they got the honorifics sorted out with Joey, he would have a new “drama queen issue du jour” by tomorrow.  It’s what he does.  

I don’t know how to get him to stop holding on to an “issue du jour” any more than I know how to get him to “reconcile” with people against whom he holds a grudge for reasons totally invisible to them.  

I pray that our brainstorming will help us with this part of OCD, too.

And . . . maybe in the process we will find some relief for supposedly normal Christians who develop grudges against others and say that they cannot find a way to let them go.  

It’s worth a try.  I have known many people stuck in hatred they said they didn’t even wish to carry.  I know it is not pleasant to carry bitterness and vitriol, even for a little while.

Maybe we can find help for us all.  

 

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Keeping our Spouses Off Balance

10 Jun

At the end of this month, I will complete my 55th journey around the sun.

I have learned a few things, but I have seen a lot more things that I don’t understand.

I am so glad I have a sovereign Lord who understands them all. I can rest, uncomprehending, in His arms!

I tend to collect friends. I mean, I make and keep them for life.

And as I learn about their lives and families, I see a pattern far too often.

It is the marriage in which one or more of the partners constantly strives to keep the other off balance.

I think I understand a few things about the dynamics of such a marriage, but if I am right, the concept is not flattering to the people involved.

I think some people, often female people, can’t give up the idea of being pursued by someone, even after they have him.

They have enjoyed courtship and the deep sense of longing their man conveyed at that time. So they go ahead and create drama that leads him to believe he is in danger of losing his woman’s love or that he has to work to get back in her good graces.

Problem is, when God created Christian marital love to reflect Christ’s love for the church, the picture didn’t quite work that way. Instead of being thrilled by a man pursuing me, my marriage is supposed to mature me to the place where I am thrilled to be part of that man’s team, striving together for the common goal of reflecting Christ and His love to a fallen, broken world.

Working together, you see. Putting my energy into being on a team instead of putting it into running ahead of someone with hopes he will chase me.

Men may not play the “keep the marriage off balance with drama” game as often, but I have heard of many men withdrawing, often into depression, and keeping the marriage off-balance that way, with their silence.

I have finally understood how this works, after seeing many, many marriages break up over a partner’s depression, often the man’s.

I optimistically thought that a marriage would provide a safe place to be depressed, without realizing that depressed men are in no position to feel safe.

I thought the gratitude of being in a loving relationship would be a natural antidote to depression, without realizing that depressed people can’t feel gratitude or count their blessings. That is part of why depression is so disabling.

Depressed people are stuck people. Without the grace of God, they can’t get unstuck. They need a power outside of themselves, greater than themselves.

Truly God sanctifies Christian marriage and uses it, just not always in the ways we think He will.

But, back to our drama queen wives and our depressed husbands, we all need more of Jesus and less of ourselves.

And we all need to try to work with God in His pattern for sanctified marriage, doing our level best to lay aside game playing.

He will carry the burden of the work. He always does. His yoke is easy on us because He carries the heavy end!

And we proceed in balance, heavenly balance, not in cheap, momentary thrills and adrenaline surges cooked up by our own deceitful hearts.

For the biggest thrill turns out to be walking, in balance, with Him!

on His end!

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