I am one of those people who has to ask others what the emotion of envy feels like.
Sure there are things that I don’t have that I would love to have. We all have some of those, if we are honest.
But it is just that I have never seen an entire life I would rather have than my own. I wouldn’t trade with anyone. 99% of the time, I love being me (flaws and all, challenges and all, heartbreaks and all. At least they are my heartbreaks and familiar to me. I know I am equipped by God to handle them).
That said, I am still glad to be me in my current situation . . . I am being stalked by a person I have previously mentored. There is OCD involved. And, yes, a threat to physically harm me has been conveyed.
I can’t pretend to understand mental illness any more than I can understand the emotion of envy.
It is probably slightly different from person to person. But some things that are authored by the dark side are depressingly similar every time they present in a different person. Desiring control over someone else (abusive tendencies) is one such area.
The underlying emotion may be envy before it turns into rage and the desire to harm someone.
It might be the thought that I don’t have a disability and that I love my life. Maybe my stalker thinks things come too easily to me (she doesn’t know me if she thinks that). She may intend to even the odds by giving me a disability God didn’t originally ordain.
She does not realize that, if God allowed me to develop a disability now, I would still regard Him as God. I would still love my life. How do I know? Because I went through breast cancer six years ago. I didn’t turn into a different person then. By God’s grace, I would not now.
Or maybe she is enraged because I ceased mentoring her when her life fell apart at the precise moment our son went to college and needed my emotional support more than ever. I can only help one person that intensely right now and it is a no-brainer as to whom that will be.
Her life fell apart because she imploded with some bad choices. I still can’t wrap my mind around how to counsel that because she chose to walk away from a marriage and two children.
What next in such a series of choices? God knows. I don’t.
But fact is, if her threats conceal an idea of “if I can’t have her, I will fix it so her son can’t have her either” they only show how very far her mental illness has proceeded to take over her existence.
I can’t help her. I can only encourage her to get help from professionals who have lots of experience at keeping people from destroying themselves . . . and others.
I can’t say more than that right here and right now. Those who need to know about this situation already do. For the rest of you . . . Please pray for me, for all of us, as we navigate through some very deep waters right now.
God is still good. God is still on His throne. Nothing happens without His awareness.