Women’s Thursday: Do Discontent People Remain Discontent After Marriage?

10 Jan

Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.”

The above verse references the “reverence” a wife is commanded to have for her husband.  That word better translates nowadays as “respect.”  We “reverence” God; we “respect” our husband.

Except when we don’t . . . Right?

I have been married to Noel for 23 years and I must say that I myself have committed the category of behavior that I am about to address.

Why is it that we can spend so much time and effort making our husband jump through hoops to try to earn our approval (that respect that he so craves as a man)?

Why do we so often act as though respect is being rationed and is in short supply?

Do we Christian women not see that God has things for us to do as a team, as a couple centered on Him instead of on our individual goals?  Ministry things, even if we are not in formal ministry.

It makes my heart sad to recall the times I broke the team unity in order to flatter myself by getting my husband to chase all over creation trying to please me.  Sometimes I have even moved the goalposts after he ran it in for a touchdown <smile>.  It makes my heart sad to see some of my Christian sisters doing things like this, too.

Our Christian husbands want to please us.  They want the feedback that they have succeeded in that mission.

And sometimes we keep them chasing themselves in circles for hours, or all day, without giving them the slightest expression of approval for who they are and what they have done.

I believe that we lack an attitude of gratitude when we do that.  Gratitude to God for what He has done in bringing about our marriage.

God has given us our husband and He has divinely suited each man and woman who are married so that they can grow together and bring out the best in each other.

Can we believe that?  Can we live in it?  Can we stop playing games with each other, cut to the chase, and start ministering to others as a team?

I have read Christian authors who say that people ungrateful in their marriages are often people who were ungrateful as singles before that.

Put another way, a discontent woman praying for a mate and telling God she won’t be fulfilled until He lets her get married will often be a discontent wife after she says “I do.”  It will turn out that marriage wasn’t the issue at all.  It was her relationship with God.

Basically, this woman has a complaint with God no matter what He does.

And, considering that God Himself is the One who principally satisfies us, using other people in roles in our life, but never as substitutes for Himself, it says a lot if we go through life complaining, discontent, and ungrateful.

It says that we find God to not be enough.

It is something to think about, ladies.  If God sent my husband and if I spend my days posturing as though my husband can never please me, then what am I saying about God?

And about my understanding that a human can never fulfill all my needs anyway?

I am learning more every day about being on the team with Noel and holding him up with my respect.  I pray you will be able to do the same in your marriage.


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